So Busy and Tired

that I’m finding it hard to blog. Not much has happened though, since I’ve just been trying to get work done and stay awake.

Moments:

- getting called out on for TRYING MY VERY BEST to stay awake in Shakespeare…I was really trying.

- First time having lunch off-campus: El Malecón with the homies (Emilio, Fred, Sam K., and Kelvin). Good times and interesting conversation.

- Reading the Science Times of today’s New York Times (which is incredibly interesting) in the College Office in order to relieve anxiety. Ironic? Aw, easy joke. I actually really don’t mind the college office. :)

- Ms. Marshall saving my day.

- loving the beginning of my first full season of P.E., seriously.

- Written on my hand today: Almond Joy, Ms. Brown’s favorite candy so I want to surprise her one day. E-mail: this one is a problem since I don’t know who I am supposed to remember to e-mail. Of course.

- Sports Awards Night, my first one for the Winter Season. It was okay and went by pretty quickly. I like seeing certain people shine. The eating part after was nice, too. And Coach P definitely has a way with words. Also, Chelsea’s game ball for her 1001th point is really cool. Congrats to Chels and Kat for being Varsity Girls Basketball MVP’s!

- I made a connection! USA, the TV network, has this whole “Character Approved” campaign that had a whole hour dedicated to some amazing people. Look it up. (The founder of TOMS is in there.) The point is that of the people is an actress named Lily Rabe who said that she has always wanted to play the character Portia. I know who she’s referring to. You know why? Because we just started reading The Merchant in Venice in Shakespeare. Quick tangent off of this: I was watching the movie 500 Days of Summer with Lorraine this weekend and we caught a reference to that movie we saw for ILS with the man playing chess with an angel on a beach. If it wasn’t for ILS, we would have been completely oblivious. I thought I’d put that out there since I sense and empathize with a certain frustration or anxiety toward ILS.

I’m sorry this isn’t in any way smooth or eloquently written. I apologize for any typos.

Happy Almost Spring Break Week!

This Week’s Goal

Carry my camera around every single day this week.

Shamelessly and courageously.

Good News

I had a meeting during Advisor today about SENIOR PROJECTS because I am one of the six brave and creative souls who will be dedicating the last three weeks of May to something we’re passionate about. YUM. I’m particularly excited about the daily journal aspect of this, and a little scared about spending so much time on art since I’ve never done that before. I’m excited though. I’ll feel like a pro.

In light of this, these are some completed pieces from 1st Semester that I just bumped into in my photo files. It’s good that I see this since I’ve been slackin’ on my dedication to art because of everything else I have to do, but I’m picking it back up.

 

Ode to Emilio

 

 

I think this says it all.

I feel famous.

I’ve only read this in parts because I can’t bring myself to read the whole thing; I’m too nervous about it. But from the bits I’ve read, I must say, I hope my speech isn’t that grammatically incorrect. Just teasing!

My Senior Speech

Those of you who know me know that I have an insane sleeping schedule, and the word “routine” lives far from it. That’s because I’d rather get to know someone a little more than finish my homework sooner. People over homework, a beautiful moment and a good laugh over the paper I’m required to write, always. My worst nightmare is living like a machine, and this is what I feel high school has been like for me because I always made sure I got my work done, no extensions, no excuses. No sleep? Well, that’s okay as long as I get the homework done on my own terms. I do this to balance out the fact that I have to do it. If I have to write this paper, then I might as well enjoy myself while I’m doing it and let myself get interrupted by the music playing to sing a verse or to take a phone call from a friend who needs help. I’ll take a moment as it comes no matter the time or circumstances. I don’t care about getting to a class a minute late when I’m having a conversation with someone who never talks to me.

It seems like my passion, my expectations, and my responsibilities can’t all exist in the same time frame. And as much as I try to find the root of the problem, I can’t figure myself out because I can’t picture myself doing things any other way. It’s this exact way of being that allows me to be completely immersed in almost every class and take the opportunity to get to know my teachers. It’s this commitment to appreciating and finding something special in as many hours of my day as possible that gives me the courage to be personal, feel deeply, and speak my mind without fearing that someone didn’t hear me, no matter how devastating it is when I’m not heard. It’s what has been stopping me from buying coffee from Starbucks lately, since I carry a little more guilt with every dollar I spend, but what also still glorifies that time when a freshman told me she reads my blog. I’ve been carrying the wisdom of a documentary for months now, but also miss people who aren’t in my life anymore every day. It’s like feeling in extremes and this very description is captured in those times when people ask me what’s wrong just because I’m not smiling.

But I’m realizing more and more how much power we have. This gets complicated, but in a religious discussion I wholeheartedly defended the human ability to appreciate. Whatever God there is can put a gorgeous landscape or an object of love in our faces, but he can’t make us smile and be thankful. Only we can do this. Not only do I believe that it’s our responsibility to smile, but we can also create moments of fulfillment. We can enhance the goodness before us by being open to inspiration, by writing poetry where words together capture more of the world than when they stand alone. This is what I’ve learned most throughout these high school years. As hard as my first couple of years here were and as much as I’ve taken to heart every moment of feeling invisible, I never forget all that I’ve learned and everyone who has felt for and with me. Now I find something special about this place every day, the complete opposite of how I felt about Riverdale two years ago. Of course, I have bad days, too. But I’ve been reminded that feelings are also temporary and that comes with our power. So with a deep breath, I can wish a little sadness away and make happiness last longer. We can all do this. It’s funny because even though my experiences here taught me to live this way, I also think Riverdale needs this. Seniors, let’s not make these last days mediocre in spirit. Be quick to kindness; have a comfy confidence that welcomes others around you to be themselves; take a risk for yourself; connect more; be healthy; smile freely; laugh easily.

Thank you.