Ode to Emilio

 

 

I think this says it all.

I feel famous.

I’ve only read this in parts because I can’t bring myself to read the whole thing; I’m too nervous about it. But from the bits I’ve read, I must say, I hope my speech isn’t that grammatically incorrect. Just teasing!

My Senior Speech

Those of you who know me know that I have an insane sleeping schedule, and the word “routine” lives far from it. That’s because I’d rather get to know someone a little more than finish my homework sooner. People over homework, a beautiful moment and a good laugh over the paper I’m required to write, always. My worst nightmare is living like a machine, and this is what I feel high school has been like for me because I always made sure I got my work done, no extensions, no excuses. No sleep? Well, that’s okay as long as I get the homework done on my own terms. I do this to balance out the fact that I have to do it. If I have to write this paper, then I might as well enjoy myself while I’m doing it and let myself get interrupted by the music playing to sing a verse or to take a phone call from a friend who needs help. I’ll take a moment as it comes no matter the time or circumstances. I don’t care about getting to a class a minute late when I’m having a conversation with someone who never talks to me.

It seems like my passion, my expectations, and my responsibilities can’t all exist in the same time frame. And as much as I try to find the root of the problem, I can’t figure myself out because I can’t picture myself doing things any other way. It’s this exact way of being that allows me to be completely immersed in almost every class and take the opportunity to get to know my teachers. It’s this commitment to appreciating and finding something special in as many hours of my day as possible that gives me the courage to be personal, feel deeply, and speak my mind without fearing that someone didn’t hear me, no matter how devastating it is when I’m not heard. It’s what has been stopping me from buying coffee from Starbucks lately, since I carry a little more guilt with every dollar I spend, but what also still glorifies that time when a freshman told me she reads my blog. I’ve been carrying the wisdom of a documentary for months now, but also miss people who aren’t in my life anymore every day. It’s like feeling in extremes and this very description is captured in those times when people ask me what’s wrong just because I’m not smiling.

But I’m realizing more and more how much power we have. This gets complicated, but in a religious discussion I wholeheartedly defended the human ability to appreciate. Whatever God there is can put a gorgeous landscape or an object of love in our faces, but he can’t make us smile and be thankful. Only we can do this. Not only do I believe that it’s our responsibility to smile, but we can also create moments of fulfillment. We can enhance the goodness before us by being open to inspiration, by writing poetry where words together capture more of the world than when they stand alone. This is what I’ve learned most throughout these high school years. As hard as my first couple of years here were and as much as I’ve taken to heart every moment of feeling invisible, I never forget all that I’ve learned and everyone who has felt for and with me. Now I find something special about this place every day, the complete opposite of how I felt about Riverdale two years ago. Of course, I have bad days, too. But I’ve been reminded that feelings are also temporary and that comes with our power. So with a deep breath, I can wish a little sadness away and make happiness last longer. We can all do this. It’s funny because even though my experiences here taught me to live this way, I also think Riverdale needs this. Seniors, let’s not make these last days mediocre in spirit. Be quick to kindness; have a comfy confidence that welcomes others around you to be themselves; take a risk for yourself; connect more; be healthy; smile freely; laugh easily.

Thank you.

Photos

*Chels took about half of these photos. THANKS!

“Be HAPPY!”

That’s what Brett wrote on my hand today. Now, let us forget the fact that she even had to write this is on my hand and focus on that fact that she had to make some gesture to try to calm my anxiety (other than worrying).

It seems that my worries are plastered on my face at all times. I even get asked “What’s wrong?” when I’m completely okay, so imagine when I’m not?! It’s sweet though. My closest homies can always make me forget all the work I have with the most valuable/hilarious moments ever, and I tend to just forget my worries in general when I’m around people. I started up a conversation with Carlos in the Deans’ Office and a whole bunch of people joined in. That was fun and talking to Carlos (a.k.a. The Bible Genius) is always interesting. I was so embarrassed and upset about missing Shakespeare by accident, but Mr. Wellington tried to get me to not worry. I’m such a mess, BUT I’M HANGING IN THERE. I’m okay, I swear. I just have a lot to get done, nothing huge.

I remember Mr. Carver caught me a little stressed some day last year and (of course) asked if I was okay. I wondered outloud why everyone is always asking me that, and he said it’s because I’m always smiling, so when I’m not, there must be something wrong. Haha! What a reputation! I am very prone to smiling (and laughing, as you all may know). Sometimes it’s natural and other times I just understand the power of a smile so I smile at random people. YEA! I would absolutely love to start a SMILE-AT-RANDOM-PEOPLE MOVEMENT!

I’m also remembering now that a few days ago I was talking to a teacher (I wish I could remember who!) who reminded me to “keep smiling” as we departed. That’s the best.

I was explaining to Jacob why I didn’t post anything last night and about my common theme of Bad Days recently and how I didn’t want to put that kind of energy on my blog. But whatever: I’VE BEEN HAVING A SERIES OF BAD DAYS, which have brought to light all the little moments of bliss.

:)

And I would like to congratulate all of the 2nd Semester Seniors who have been able to have careless and stress-free/ restful Riverdale times lately. I’m still waiting for my time.

Poetry Slam

My Friday was the very opposite of the day before: pretty bad throughout until the end when I was at the Poetry Slam, which had great energy and was so much fun. Even though I find it disappointing that more Upper Schoolers weren’t there, I could tell that everyone who did attend wanted to be there. It was beautiful and full of courageous poets/performers from elementary school students to teachers. The band was incredible. For most of the poems they improvised in the background, matching the mood of the poem perfectly while also matching up with each other. Then, they’d pick up the volume when the poem was over and give us a chance to groove.

Nat and Neiko were sweet MC’s and they sang together twice (The Man Who Can’t Be Moved and Imagine), and Ms. Quarshie managed to save my day twice, once by talking poetry and gender with me in the morning and then again with this event. I saw Liz Fernandez, whose son is in the Lower School; she plays a huge roll in planning the nation-wide Student Diversity Leadership Conference. I also saw a Lower School mother whose children I’ve babysat and who is very involved with diversity in the Lower School, and heard my buddies Anneliese and Emilio read their original poems.

It was a great time.

 

The Bright Sides

I had a bad very end of the day. To make myself feel better I’ll be listing all the good things that happened otherwise:

1. Sat next to Bronwen in Physics and complimented Greg’s rarely acceptable grey-on-grey outfit and nice cardigan.

2. Had a photo critique session with Corey, Jacob, and Gabe during Advisor and learned a lot.

3. No ILS reading quiz, even though I actually understood it this time.

4. Mr. Harrop commented on the strange mixture of clothing that created my outfit. I responded by telling him, “Oh yea, I was feeling very free this morning!” That got a chuckle out of some people which made me feel funny. And Mr. Harrop said something about feeling glad I felt the freedom, and then concluded that I’m probably the least person he’d worry about not letting myself feel limited. Yes.

5. I forgot that I had a class and went to have lunch. I had the food in my hands when I realized it, but then bumped into someone in my Pre-Calc class who told me that we don’t have class until later. SO LUCKY. But then I didn’t know what time class started, so I got there late and got called out for it. Eek.

6. Joost saved me from eating by myself, and I found the lunch delicious.

7. Kelvin joined us.

8. I left my math class running to get to my Spanish in-class essay. It turns out I was an hour early. What’s up with me and lateness?

9. I bought two Valentine’s Day Candygrams for two great people.

10. I really enjoy warm-up before a game, so that was appreciated.

11. Coach articulated my effort and attitude toward the team perfectly and gave all the seniors an indoor mini basketball and hoop. HOW cool with that be looking in my future college dorm room? Very cool.

12. When I walked out after the game, the sky wasn’t completely dark and still had a blue-ish hue. Spring is on its way!

13. Mr. Harrop saw me in the hall and said, “I’m feeling very free just seeing you!”. I know he was referring to the joke from earlier today, but it is still probably the best thing anyone has ever said to me.

Dumpling Day Rocks

especially because of the fortune cookies! Today mine said:

A day of worry is more

exhausting than a week of work.

A bit controversial. I’m not sure I agree completely, but I really like the idea.

A Friday Lunch

Chels, checking me out. Of course.

Shy ladies.

*Some of these photos weren't taken by me. Chelsea and Carlos took most of these.

SO MUCH

to do.

I served detention for the first time ever today. Advisor cuts. I read Spanish, started memorizing poem, and entered a kind of half-sleeping with my head on the desk state of mind. Then, we had a late game vs. Fieldston. We won!

HOME GAME VS. SACRED HEART TOMORROW.

Be there.

El Día de Nieve Numero Cuatro

Translation: Snow Day Number Four.

I didn’t do much (though I should have) and went to an Urban Word Open Mic in Brooklyn.

SPEAKING OF POETRY, there will be a POETRY SLAM NIGHT at Riverdale on Friday February 11th from 6:30pm-8:00pm …I think, but it definitely begins at 6:30.

Now, I just just checked my calendar and I’m a little devastated because I have an away game at Trinity that night. Either way I’ll make my way back up, SO I WILL BE THERE. And WILL perform. Now, that means I have to do it because I said I would. YES!

Also, there’s a percussions theme. Perfect. I’ve always thought drums and poetry had the best of conversations. That’s why I want to do a collaboration with the Klein Conga Drum Master, a.k.a. Anneliese! I hope.

Really Thankful Lately

My first two years at Riverdale were sort of tough/self-isolating socially, so I made great relationships with the adults around me. haha! I’ve been SO aware of how these people are always looking out for me and still have my back. There are many and I want to show just how many of the adults at Riverdale are special to me. I don’t think I should call anyone out, and I think in this instance quantity means quality (in general), so I’m listing initials:

• S
• M
• N
• C
• H
• S
• C
• M
• S
• W
• M
• B
• R
• C
• K
• R
• E
• Y
• S
• J

Seriously super thankful to have so much support and people who want to see me SMILE.

 

p.s.- Oleander, your speech touched my heart.

Friday, 1/28

We had a game at Poly. For a such a tough game all the way in Brooklyn on a Friday night, we had GREAT energy and an awesome game. Of course, I messed up in the very little time I was on the court (which pretty much happens every game when I even touch the court), but I let it go little sooner each game. No time for frowning! And everyone else did so well.

We play Poly home at 4pm on Monday. BE THERE.

^caught Morgan on the way to Poly. So sweet.

Snow Day #3?

Very nice.

I didn’t much except get a haircut. But I know that a whole bunch of people went sledding in Central Park again.

It takes me way too long to read Shakespeare and then I forget everything. I usually leave ILS homework for last because it needs to be fresh in my mind for the quiz, but I think I might have to switch things up and save Shakespeare for last.

I just put one of Jinexa’s prints up in my room that I took from her. I put everything possible up in my room: a museum of my life.

I have to get more specific for my senior project proposal, which is actually really difficult when it comes to this gender variance topic. In order to really get this, Ms. Mackenzie has given me this great talks on just looking at art and finding “kinship”, art that has the same meaning or message that I want my art to have. So everyday I do some research and look at images that relate to what I’m going with the gender topic. Yum.

Brett and I are getting together to this weekend to keep each other company while we start out ILS papers. This could either help us stay focused or do that opposite. We shall see… :)

Mad love to Kelvin.

We’re a Funny Bunch of Kids